Zine: Amanda changed my life § The Amanda Project

Amanda changed my life

Amanda was my first friend. I had never fit in at my school in Ontario. My mom always worried, “Why couldn’t she be like all the other kids?” I would hear her say to my aunt. But by then I was numbing out all emotion. I had tried to be like all the other kids but i just couldn’t. Nobody could hear me, or understand me, so no one wanted to be my friend. I was weird. Then I met Amanda. She was dressed as a complete goth, I remember myself thinking “Finally, someone weirder than me.” But that wasn’t true. Amanda was different, actually everyday she was different but always the same… She made me realize that dancing to the beat of your own drum was a good thing. That no one could hear me or understand me because I was different. I was unique. I was me. I only knew Amanda for a month. In that month I didn’t change. I discovered myself. Then one day Amanda was gone. I was devasted. I visited her house everyday for 2 weeks, but it was always abandoned. Everytime I went it was always the same; stark white walls, no furniture, dusty hardwood floor, no Amanda, as if it all had been a dream. But I know it hadn’t. She was real. I just needed to know. Why had she left? I wondered that for days until i realized something. Before Amanda I felt I had no one. Now I have a boyfriend who loves me as I am. (Even if my ex still thinks we are dating. My ex was always really controlling.) I have my family back and I think they kind of understand me now. That wouldn’t have happened if not for Amanda. When I found this website I was suprised. Was my Amanda the real Amanda or was she acting, or was all the Amandas the same and different? I just want to figure out the truth… And thank her for… Everything.