Hello, and thank you for reading this. Here is some totally original writing from the brink of the moment.
I feel pain, just pure pain. I looked over at Jack. He was laughing, I could tell that he hadn’t felt whatever i had just felt. “Jack?” I whisper. “Shhh….” “No, Jack, do you fee-” But then I was cut off. “Ginger, please, c’mon, I’m tired, i just want to get home and to sleep.” Suddenly, a truck smashed into our car, right on Jack’s side. Jack!” I shouted… I’ll continue this if you want me to, please leave your reviews in the comments, and you can critique!!!Can you tell me what you think?
by 
whenureachme
on 11.10.2011
4 responses
-
Very suspenseful! I was just thinking that you could’ve added more description.
-
thanks!! I’ll add more!!:D
-
What Faith said… Also, by the rules of grammar, you should start a new paragraph for every new speaking part :P. But please continuee!
-
I thought it was great, but maybe you could elaborate a bit on the truck smashing part…?
Faith
Mary-Dee
15DaysOfSumerYou must be logged in to see responses and contribute to the conversation.
Submit!
Create Amanda's outfit to win a signed copy of Book 2: Revealed!!
Amanda on your phone & iPod!!!
We're Getting Published!
Amanda has gotten so much attention that HarperCollins is publishing our stories! The first book is in stores now!
Learn more & buy the book!
Meet author Melissa Kantor!
Newest Submissions
-
ConfusedCan we not comment because I can’t comment on anything. Help please.
-
THE TRAIИ MASTER ∞ PART 1I can hear the trains in the distance. Hear their choked wails… A noise awakens me from the dream. I am …
-
“Is there anybody there?”I felt the use of this quote from the poem “The Listeners” by Walter De La Mare would be an appropriate …
-
Hummmmmmm…..Came up with THE best story line ever!!! Back stories and all…. but I feel like it’s so perfect that I …
-
Where Shall I Go?A Little Poem Where shall I go? I can go with them all Yet I do not properly fit What shall …
- See all entries
Latest Responses
-
A glimpse into the life of a not so normal teenaged girl No.2. (This one's for AngelOfMusic.)
just read both parts, really good. Let me get this straight though. Happe , 17, is …
-
A glimpse into the life of a not so normal teenaged girl. (This one's for Faith.)
Happi, this is really good. when i finished i forgot i was reading it on the …
-
MY STORY
I do. I'm really glad you felt comfortable enough to talk. We all want you to …
-
love? is it even real?
Coola as a cucumber, hey. Hope you're all right. Same for BrokenWing. We love you all …
-
A glimpse into the life of a not so normal teenaged girl No.2. (This one's for AngelOfMusic.)
thank you so much. sorry, i got an email and got destracted, but i will read …