Zine: I need help..serious help. Please read…I need you guys to know this. § The Amanda Project

I need help..serious help. Please read…I need you guys to know this.

Well…Hi. Its been quite a long time. I guess I don’t know where to start. Well, lets do a review of events in chronological order.

1-Dad loses his job~Gee…I don’t even remember when.
2-Parents announce we are moving, and they are divorcing~Early March of 2011
3-We move early~May of 2011{I don’t see my dad for 3 months}
4-I figure out that dad has a girlfriend~September 2011
5-I figure out dad had cheated on mom~January 2012
6-Spring break of 2012-I cut for the first time in a long time
7- I guess that brings us here.

Over Spring Break, I told my BFF-Sister-Twin from my old town about my cutting and how it had started again. She told me to talk to her Brother. I saw his cuts and nearly cried. I don’t want to talk about that.

I came back from Spring Break and told my BFF from this town about my cutting. I trusted her. She told the counselor.

So I had to go see the counselor with my BFF. My BFF heard me talk about things in my life that I had never told anyone except for my counselor. She cried.

The counselor said that if I ever cut again I had to tell her immanently and face a psychiatric hospital.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I just got done cutting again.

9 responses

AngelOfMusic 04.30.2012

Oh my God… I can’t even…… Please, let me help you. I will do anything to help you, even if it involves flying to wherever you are now. You can email me, Facebook me… Let me know what I can do… Because I don’t know if my kind words will be enough. Please, please, PLEASE talk to somebody. It doesn’t have to be your counselor. And don’t think your friend betrayed you, because she didn’t. She did what was right, and what would help you. I would do the same thing for my best friend. She knows this is bigger than you. She knows, and I guess, since you posted this, you know too, that you need help. And now that I know, I will be sick until I know that you are okay.

I don’t know if it will help, but… You might want to talk to someone I know. Before I tell you who she is, let me talk to her, okay? :)
crayolaface 04.30.2012

Please, just talk to me about this. I swear I’ll do my best to help. Imgoing through depression right now, so I’ll be able to understand most of what you’re going through. I will honestly try my best to help. Please just let me talk to you. Gah, I don’t know what to say, just talk to me and let me help. I won’t be able to get through the day knowing that I could’ve done something to help
AngelOfMusic 04.30.2012

Exactly. I understand depression, and I thought about doing… you know…. But then I realized that there ARE people who love me (like you awesome guys on TAP) who would be upset if I hurt myself. I would personally be devastated if something happened to any of you. Please. Crayolaface and I are good friends. She knows you can trust me and I know you can trust her. Let us help you.
DemAnix 04.30.2012

Dear Riv,
Hi. I’m not going to say that I know what you’re going through, because I don’t. But I will say, that finding someone to talk to can change a person. I agree with Gigi (AngelOfMusic) and you should talk to th girl she’s talking about.
First off, I’d like to introduce myself. I’m Catching Rain (obviously) but I’ve been called Demi, DA, Ani, Anika etc. I’m on here a lot so leave me a comment anytime you need to talk to someone and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.
Second, you should stop before you seriously hurt yourself. My guess is you kniw this already, but I’m just reminding you. So stop. Because everyone on here that you meet is going to be someone who cares about you.
Thirdly, I’d like to offer help. If you ever want to talk to someone, then you can talk to me. It doesn’t have to be about anything big. Heck we could compare letter shapes for how much it matters. But it’s always good to have someone to talk to. No matter what the topic.
And fourth and finally, you matter. Never forget that. There is this thing called the Butterfly Project that you may want to look into. It was created especially for people who cut themselves. I heard this from the girl that Gigi is talking about. Talk to us on here. Us TAPers have to stay together, right?
~Rain
AngelOfMusic 04.30.2012

I sent a message to the girl we are talking about (our little butterfly <3). She hasn’t responded, and I don’t know if she still hurts herself, but she’s someone who really knows what you are going through.
TheRiverFlows 05.01.2012

Oh my God…I didn’t think so many of you cared that much.

Angel~~All I have to say is…Thank You. I can’t even believe you would care enough about me to do that…I am honestly in shock. Truly. And I will most certainly talk to you in the near future.

Crayon~~Your words certainly help, please don’t feel like they don’t. Its nice to know that there are people who know what I’m going through. I’ll talk to you soon.

Rain~~I try so hard to stop…I really do. Its just like a drug to me…in a strange way, it makes me feel powerful. I know that’s not true, all it does is show my weaknesses, not power.

I want to thank you all. And please remember that your words to help. They really, really do.

I just want to add a few things you should know about me real quick.

1~I am really involved in school and sports. The few people I’ve told about my cutting were so surprised, they honestly said that they would never have thought me to do that.
2~I’m 12 years old.
3~People don’t get how hard it is for me to leave everything I’ve ever known because of some [removed] my dad did.
AngelOfMusic 05.01.2012

Life is tough, I won’t lie. But this is something I’ve learned… If your life is really hard, it means you are a strong enough person to get through it.

And I don’t know how long you’ve been on TAP, but all the members are immediate friends and we love each other like sisters. It’s a special bond that I am glad to be a part of. Now I know I can help people like you, who just really needs someone to listen, someone to be a friend. <3
Deleted. 05.02.2012

please try to stop, please. im going through the same thing right now and i was trying for this one person, he ended me up in the hospital because he hurt my feelings and i wanted to kill myself. but guess what, im still trying for him because i want to prove to him i can get out of this and have a better future for myself.
you can have a better future too. everytime you want to cut think of all of us and instead of cutting think about if we were in the same room as you, right beside you. would you really hurt your self infrount of us?
AngelOfMusic 05.03.2012

That is a great way to think about it. Riv, this is the girl I wanted you to talk to. :)