I love being a femme trans boy, and that does not mean that I am “really still a girl.”
I love being feminine. A lot of people get confused when I tell them I’m trans. They’re like, “…But you’re not even butch. You don’t even act like a boy.”
Eek. Whenever I hear those two things, I cringe, take a deep breath, and attempt to explain the following to them:
Being butch and being trans* are two completely different identities. Yes, some trans people identify as butch, but someone who is ftm does not have to be “butch” in order to identify as male. Maleness, femaleness, transness, and anything elseness are not directly connected to the terms “butch” and “femme.” A cis woman can be butch, and a cis man can be femme, and to you, that doesn’t invalidate their gender identity, so why do you question my gender identity and/or gender presentation just because I’m trans?
For me, identifying as male doesn’t have to do with my mannerisms, my way of thinking, or the way I dress. It has to do with how I feel about my own gender identity and my own gender expression. I like doing my hair. I like cleaning. I like cooking. I like clothes. Just because society may view these things as stereotypical “female” things, that doesn’t mean that they are, and it does not mean that men can’t or DON’T enjoy these things. I guarantee that the ratio of enjoyment of these things among males and females is pretty even, to be honest, and even if it’s not, who cares? If I say I identify as male, then I identify as male.
So what if I’m a (mostly) gay male who sometimes does stereotypical “gay” things or stereotypical “female” things? That does NOT mean that I am confused about my gender identity, and it does NOT mean that I should just “stay a woman” or that I’m not a “real boy.” I’m sorry that you’ve been brainwashed by society, but that doesn’t mean that your opinions or thoughts about how I should identify are correct.
I’m a femme boy. That’s how it is, and there’s nothing wrong with it at all.
It saddens me to see gender roles being pushed on people, especially within the trans community. If you want to take hormones and get surgery, that’s fine, but that doesn’t make you “more trans” than others who do not desire these things, and it is NOT okay to tell people that they have to do these things in order to be male, female, “truly trans,” etc.
The gender spectrum, the trans spectrum – these spectrums are vast. There’s no one way to be anything. If you feel you might be ftm, but you’re unsure because you like painting your nails and wearing dresses, stop worrying. You can most certainly be trans and identify as male and still enjoy those things. If you feel you might be mtf, but you’re unsure because you like stereotypical “male” things, again, don’t worry about that.
It’s not about the things you do, the things you like, or any of that. It’s how you feel on the inside. It’s how you feel you can best relate to the world around you and to the people around you.
My name is Jessie. I’m femme, I’m fabulous, and I am most certainly male. I’ve done a lot of thinking about it, actually. Go figure!